My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
