i was born a porn star she said
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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