Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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