i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
