saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
