Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
