why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
