He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
