i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
