im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
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I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize