Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
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I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS