u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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