somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
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Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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