legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
