don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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