just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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