Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
