YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
