I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
