I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is Oprah even human
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
