I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
