This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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