I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
