Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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