meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
