The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
