Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
