Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
