but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
