I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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