The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize