Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
