we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
