party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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