I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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