Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
