At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need a beard to bite.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
