3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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