so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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