dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
