They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
