WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What a dumb baby whore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
