Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
