So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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