i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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