we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
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I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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