I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
