South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
