so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
