Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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