I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize