PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
