Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
