Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
