Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
