I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
