We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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