I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
