Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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