I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
