I smell stomach acid.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
