Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we should paint friendship bongs
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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