Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
