mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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