WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
