It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
