Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My Sexting was not on an AP level
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
