I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
