How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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