how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
