this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
