are you so shy because you have an std?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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