If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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