How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
