I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
