4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
only you would photoshop your dick
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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