My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
