I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
