You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
